Observations and Impressions

[Warded to Seamus]

Alright?

[Warded to Stephen Cornfoot]

So you know how a few days ago, you started telling me all this stuff and neither of us was sure why you were telling me?

I was wondering if you'd mind if I returned the favor?

has anyone seen lilith moon or lavender brown?

[Warded Private]

Dear self,

Please remember that cuddling in hammocks together while hiding for your lives in a room that may not even exist (magic is weird like that) does not count towards anything ever and that you shouldn't get your hopes up because of it. Please also remember that Lilith needs that more now because she's outside and you're not and that anyway, Seamus Finnigan would likely not ever be interested in someone like you. And this is okay because there are (a) more fish in the sea (granted, not the sea that is this weird room, but that's more like a pond than anything else. Maybe a large puddle) and (b) more important things to be worrying about, such as how long everyone can stay in this room that may or may not exist without starving to death or what we should all do after the school year ends and we have to leave anyway or whether or not your father is still ali

Many more important things. Seamus is your friend and Lilith is your friend and that is all that matters.

Love,
Julianna

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Lavender]

SO.

[/Warded to Lavender]

[Warded to G7 in the RoR, Michael, Padma]

Okay, so.

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess that at least some subset of you are the notorious Dumbledore's Army, or at least part of it.

You don't have to confirm or deny this if you don't want to, but I wanted you to know that I'd like to help. If more things are going to happen like Andrew coming in here and looking a wreck, I don't want to be sitting here and twiddling my thumbs and putting up hammocks or something. I'm good with Charms and I know a few basic healing things from my Da, so basically what I'm saying is that I want to help. If this is what Dumbledore's Army does. Which I'm not saying you are or aren't Dumbledore's Army, I'm just guessing, but I want to help whether you are or not.

If that makes sense.

[Warded to Terry]

I'm supposed to ward you about leaving, so this is me doing so. Hello.

[Warded to Parvati & Lavender]

padma told me about you going

you can go if you want to go

padma says maybe I can come too eventually

but please go & be safe

Ill be OK

[Warded to Gryffindor]

Please somebody tell me you've seen Seamus since whatever that explosion was.

EDIT: Added later.

[Warded to Seamus]

Seamus, please tell me you're alright. You're not blown up, right? You're okay?

[Warded to Ligeia Fletwock]

Happy birthday, Ligeia. I wish things were a little bit more cheerful around here for you, but I think I've a last box of Every Flavour Beans that you're welcome to, if you'd like!

[Warded to G7G, minus Lilith]

I think I may have accidentally squeezed Michaels bum on the way out of the Great Hall today but I only meant to squeeze his hand

[/Warded to G7G, minus Lilith]

[Warded to Gryffindor, Megan, Ernie, Michael, Tommy, Padma]

I love all of you.

[Warded to G7]

Was tonight my f Tonight really s I'm sorry that I di Is everyone okay?

As I've already two detentions for not saying it, I figure I might as well say it:

It's all well and good to turn a blind eye when they collect all the Muggleborns and throw them in prison. We all know Muggleborns, as that's the nature of this school, and rightly so: your bloodline has nothing to do with your acceptance to Hogwarts, or at least it hasn't until this year. But still, it might be easy to overlook them. After all, aren't several of them rabble-rousers and troublemakers? Wouldn't their beliefs and positions be seditious against the current administration? Perhaps the powers that be are right; perhaps we are better off without them.

I mean, who really needs Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Lisa Turpin, Eileen Down, Colin Creevey, and others? I'm sure they're not missed at all.

But time will pass, as time is wont to do. As time passes, and as we've been shown by our professors' emphasis on blood purity, it won't be too long before those of us with Muggleborn or Muggle parents are rounded up and accused of not being "pure enough." Oh, to be sure, some of us won't be missed. I'm sure I wouldn't be. But suddenly, this school will be much quieter.

More time will pass. The noose will tighten. Suddenly, people who can't trace their heritage back three generations are next. They aren't pure enough. Those with long heritages will receive privileges; those without will find themselves discriminated against more and more until the dichotomy is so blatant that even a blind man could see it. This isn't Divination. This isn't a reading of tea leaves or something out of my imagination. This is something we've all seen in the microcosm of Hogwarts this year.

So what will you do? Will you keep ignoring and ignoring because you want to remain safe? Or will you realize that none of us are completely safe, and that it's only a matter of time before they come for you?

Think about it.

(yes, I know, points from Gryffindor, detention, etc.)

[Warded Private]

My name is Julianna Lawson, and I survived my last year at Hogwarts.

For most people throughout history, this accomplishment is something of a joke: I survived NEWTs, I survived the social circles, I survived Quidditch. Things that don't frequently kill people. For me, and for the others in my class, however, it was different. We survived Hogwarts under You-Know-Who's regime.

I don't know what will happen by the time this is published. It's likely that we'll still be under You-Know-Who's regime, and I'll be publishing this on a small scale, privately and secretly, hiding it from most of the world. If that's the case, you may not have heard the truth of what happened during that school year. You may have heard lies about how everything that happened was something we deserved, about how we were troublemakers, and I suppose that we were on some level. We rebelled against the idea that we should have to torture our fellow students simply because teachers told us to. We rebelled against the idea that we should accept being taught lies just because it was a way to keep safe. We fought back against injustice, and as a result, many of us were tortured, humiliated, beaten, bruised, something else here by the people who were supposed to protect us, teach us, nurture us.

I don't claim to have any monopoly on the truth of these stories; I'm simply telling them as I remembered them. Other people may have seen things differently, and their stories are no less true for that difference. I also make no claims to being any sort of hero; just that the year passed by and I experienced it.

And this is my story.




Yeah, I think that's good for an opening.

- catch up on week's reading of journal
- ponder how school has gone absolutely and completely mental
- figure out if should write final will and testament before we move into the next Dark Arts unit, which will inevitably be killing curses
- make sure that Michael is still okay
- I don't know

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Michael]

Still alive? I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier; I'm trying to avoid journal pages of late.

[/Warded to Michael]

[Warded to G7]

So I'm thinking about writing a book. Or pulling things together and making them into a book. Things that I've already written. Only I'm not sure how good an idea it is or if anything I write is good enough for that. Which is all to say, anyone who'd be willing to look at what I've written so far (once I've copied them onto nicer parchment) and tell me if it's good or not will get a free dedication in said book.

[/Warded to G7]

Tell me something happy.

[Warded Against Slytherins and the I.S.]

A sit-in is a form of protest that involves people sitting down in a certain place and just--not moving. Not going anywhere, not fighting back, just occupying a certain space in protest of something and with the goal of affecting change. Sit-ins were used with great success in the American Civil Rights Movement, the Indian Independence Movement, and other movements throughout history.

And I think we should have one here.

Conditions at Hogwarts are getting worse all the time. They're giving us detentions nowadays for no real reason, and I'm tired of taking it. So I propose this: during lunch or dinner sometime in the next week, we have a sit-in. We'll sit by the entrance to the Great Hall in the Entrance Hall in order to make it difficult--though not impossible--for people to come inside. We can sing songs or chant, but the important thing is that we can't attack anyone, physically or verbally. The most effective thing about a sit-in is demonstrating that you refuse to lower yourself to the level of your attackers by fighting back and attacking them.

A lot of us may get hurt because of it, but I'm pretty sure that's where we're heading anyway.

So. Would anyone be interested in doing this?

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we all just left our journals closed for a day. I wonder if it might result in all of us making it to the end of the school year without tearing each other's heads off.

I mean, is it really so hard to just-- stop pushing buttons and pushing buttons and pushing buttons? Is it really so hard to just walk away?

[Warded Private]

One of the more difficult things I learned during my last year at Hogwarts was a lesson on the nuances of protest and suffering for your beliefs. As a Gryffindor, I've long believed that it's enough to simply stand up for what you believe in, even if you are punished horribly for doing so. That dying for a cause is better than living and spitting in the face of your beliefs. Are those not what the great examples before us have done, both Muggle and magical? Is that not the creed of all protesters? Are not some beliefs and creeds worth any cost we might pay for them?

I believe that there are beliefs and creeds worth any cost, but I also believe that when we stand up to face impossible odds, we need to ask ourselves what message our defiance sends. Are we sending a message of rebellion for rebellion's sake? Are we sending a message of vengeance and anger? Or are we sending a message that says, "the world is wrong and we want to change it"? When we wish to say the latter, we must ensure that our words are clear and obvious, that they cannot be construed otherwise, or else change will never come.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to G7, Michael, Megan]

Please, please, please if any of you end up in cages, make sure it's over something that's really worth it. But please don't end up in cages.

[/Warded to G7, Michael, Megan]

[Warded Private]

So many things to process.

- They're using the Cruciatus Curse in detentions now. And I tend to get detentions this year, more than I ever used to. If nothing else, I'll be facing detentions in Dark Arts, because I will not torture people or animals. Absolutely not. When it's a choice between being tortured yourself and torturing others, the answer's pretty obvious.

That said, there has to be a way to-- not tolerate it. Withstand it. Balance it. Bear it? Yes, bear it. Like grinning and bearing it. Maybe I can ward Michael about that.

- Ligeia. There's Gryffindor brave and then there's just insane, and I can't help but wondering if she's the latter. I mean, there's a difference between standing up for your ideals and standing up for moral reasons and then--whatever the heck happened with her. I don't even know what happened with her. It's weird and uncomfortable.

She's cornered, though. And she's acting like a wounded animal. And she was attacked.

I don't really know what to make of that, but it can't hurt to try and be nice. I don't know her well at all. I don't know any of that lot well, really. But if I was in her place...

Well.

- My hair looks amazing. Small comforts.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Michael Corner]

So I don't know if word's reached you yet, but apparently, they're going to start using the Cruciatus Curse in detentions now, and I was wondering--I mean, I don't want to be insensitive or anything, but I was wondering if you could tell me what it's like so that I can be prepared. Beyond "excruciatingly agonizing," I mean.

[/Warded to Michael Corner]

[Warded to Ligeia Fletwock]

Hi. I know we don't know each other very well, but I heard about what happened, and I just wanted to see if you're alright?

[/Warded to Ligeia Fletwock]

I can't say I'm terribly excited about this passion play myself. I've never been one for stage performances.

[Warded Private]

JULIANNA LAWSON'S LIST OF HAPPY THOUGHTS

- Going to a pub over break with Seamus and a bunch of people. That will be a happy thing.

- Lavender and Megan's party, whenever that will be.

- Carrows BINGO even though that will probably result in someone getting punished

- A week off from school, even if it's just a week and even if we're coming back to something horrible and even if Da won't be th

- Happy memories like when Da came through the barrier and helped me get on the train and going to the Yule Ball and when Da



I don't think any of those would be strong enough to conjure a Patronus. The only thing that's possibly strong enough is if Da's okay, but I don't know that for sure. But can a thought that isn't actually necessarily true conjure a Patronus?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Lavender and Megan]

Two things:

1. Your party! When is it going to be? I'm going to find an outfit to wear specifically for this party.

2. Megan and I were talking about making a BINGO sheet for the Carrows' passion play and I think we really should do it and turn it into a game. Sort of like whistling in the dark.

[/Warded to Lavender and Megan]

[Warded to G7 (minus Lilith, after this), Megan, Padma, Michael, Terry]

So! Seamus and I were going to head to the pub near my house Thursday, and he suggested we invite people along, so I am doing exactly that! If there's anyone else you want to bring (like Cho?), definitely feel free to do so! They have great music at this place on Thursdays, and it'll be a good time to just relax. It's a Muggle pub, just around the corner from where I live, the Tap and Spile. I hope you can all make it!

[/Warded]

[Warded to Lilith]

Hi.

[/Warded to Lilith]

[Warded Private]

Dementors. I can't

Merlin, I feel so sick. I can't stop thinking about Da and dementors and

I haven't gotten out of bed. I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep and wake up and this is all a dream, all of it, since September. Or August. When they took Da.

I need to wash my hair.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Michael]

I want to learn the Patronus charm. I have for a while, but we haven't really gone over it much, but do you think we could?

[/Warded to Michael]

[Warded to Lavender]

Did I miss much at the party last night? I'm sorry I wasn't there.

[/Warded to Lavender]

[Warded to Megan]

Happy birthday! I wish I had something better than excited wishes to give you, but you can just take this as an I.O.U., and once we're out of here, I'll get you cupcakes.

[/Warded to Megan]

[Warded Private]

The principle of nonviolence is one frequently overlooked in times of war, but this is the time when we need to consider pacifism most stringently. This said, even pacifists should know how to defend ourselves against assaults. We can de

Our enemies like to believe that they can deter us by showing us the people we love in horrific states, damaged beyond recognition, broken beyond recall. They want to believe that by showing us these images and ideas, they will break our spirit and push us down into silence and stupor forever. But this is simply not the case; seeing our loved ones hurt only gives us more reason to stand up and refuse to take it, to fight back and ensure that nobody ends up that way ever again. These displays are not a deterrent. They are encouragement to create a better world, one free of such madness.

I ca

- Figure out a way to not learn that STUPID curse. I won't do it. I don't care if they torture me. I don't care if they threaten me. I don't care. There is a limit, and learning a curse that can do that to a person is well across that limit. I will not even do that to SPIDERS.

- Neville

Merlin's beard, what do you even say to him? He's probably being overwhelmed with wards from people asking if he's alright. And I can't think of any sensitive way to say, "Hey, it's rubbish about your parents." Because there is no sensitive way to say that.

Why do they keep doing this to him? There are plenty of people here who have done lots worse, so why Neville? He even learned their stupid Imperius curse, so why can't they just treat him the same way they treat everyone else? UGH.

- I am going to sick up again.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Neville]

Are you oka I'm so sorry about your pare

[Warded to G7, minus Lilith]

Call me a Hufflepuff, but I think a group hug and/or cuddle might be in order.

[/Warded to G7, minus Lilith]

[Warded to Michael]

Which is more morally reprehensible: learning to torture people and probably actually torturing them at some point or refusing to learn to torture people and letting others be tortured because of your refusal?

[/Warded to Michael]

At least it's almost the weekend?

[Warded to G7, Michael, Terry, Megan]

So especially after being stuck in bed all last night, I'm really underconfident in my ability to perform the Imperius curse, so if any of you get hurt because of me today, I'm really sorry and will make it up to you however you want.

[Warded Private]

One of the hallmarks of progress and civilization is the decision of a society to allow the punishment to fit the crime. Instead of killing a man for stealing, make him pay restitution. Instead of hanging a woman for vandalizing property, make her clean the vandalized property. This is fair, just, and right. Muggles, at least in western civilizations, seem to have figured this out, only using the death penalty when a crime is particularly heinous and outlawing torture altogether. How can we proclaim that we are superior to Muggles when our leaders are all too happy to throw people into a prison where they get their souls sucked o

How can we proclaim that we are superior to Muggles when our leaders will happily torture people vaguely suspected of possibly maybe disseminating literature throughout a school? If anything, we have taken steps backwards, while the Muggle world has progressed. We may perhaps have an advantage in our ability to use magic, but when it comes to ethics and morality, Muggles are presently our superiors.

- Write essay on maybe bubonic plague. Do research to see if wizards ever offered to help Muggles with the plague or if they died just as frequently. Make arguments around: potential selfishness of wizards in allowing Muggles to die out when they could easily help them, selflessness of wizards who did help Muggles, or (if wizards had no cure) the fact that we're all mortal and the same diseases will cause all of us problems if left unchecked.

- Make sure Seamus and Neville are okay. Ignore the fact that this should have been done yesterday.

- Figure out what to do about test on Friday. Really do not want to perform curse more than I have to. Maybe I'll get lucky.

- Find some way to distract self from the bad.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Seamus and Neville]

I know it's a day late and a Sickle short, but are you two alright? I thought you were both incredibly brave.

[/Warded to Seamus and Neville]

[Warded to Lavender and Parvati]

There need to be more distractions from-- everything. Do you two have any ideas?

[/Warded to Lavender and Parvati]

Food for thought: who or what would you die for, if anyone or anything?

[Warded to Michael]

What you were saying? A while back about it hurting to see your friends hurt? I'm pretty sure that I doubly get that now.

[/Warded to Michael]

[Warded Private]

Everyone has different tastes and different lines they wouldn't cross in their search for love. Some of us don't want to work through the struggles of making a relationship work with someone whose background is too different from our own. Others of us think any familial relation within a few generations is too much. And ultimately, that's all okay. What isn't okay is deciding where others' limits should be. Love who you want, marry who you want, and let others do the same.

- Think of something nice for the dance and Terry's birthday. Possibly that last box of Every Flavour Beans I've had hidden in my trunk for ages. That would be a good gift.

- Be prepared for the absolute worst at the dance tomorrow. THE WORST.

- Make sure to set aside white dress and dress shoes; see if Lavender, Lilith, and Parvati still want to coordinate.

- Try to avoid feeling ridiculous for forgetting own birthday.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to G7G]

Even though we're all being forced to go with different dates, we're still coordinating our outfits, right? I think we should. That way, if the rest of the night is horrible, at least that bit will be fun!

[/Warded to G7G]

In the spirit of the holiday, quick poll: who is the most romantic couple in all of history and why?

[Warded Private]

It's just one dance. They might be able to control who we dance with and who we go on dates with, but they can't control how we feel, who we want to be with, or who we ultimately love.

- I rather like that line.

- And here I thought the Yule Ball in fourth year was a big deal. Merlin's tits, you'd think they'd announced they were forcing us to breed or something. It's not like it's going to change anything outside of this one night. People will still fancy who they fancy, and once we're all out of here, we'll probably have a good laugh about it. A really good laugh about it.

- Although I suppose I can understand in Parvati and Hannah's cases. Goyle and Crabbe. Yikes.

- I hope that Terry isn't too upset about this. I don't think it's that horrible. Just awkward. Very, very, very awkward.

- But it's still not the end of the world, and I wish everyone would stop acting like it is. I'm more worried about what's going to happen next in Dark Arts. Why is dating and romance and all that on the top of everyone's mind this year, anyway? Well, I mean. It is every year, but it just seems strange this year. But I guess that's what happens; people distract themselves and life goes on. I suppose.

- But I still don't think it's that big of a deal.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Terry]

I was perusing journals and I saw that you and Megan made plans to go together. I'm sorry. I'll try to be as non-awkward as possible, and you can dance with her all night, if you like.

[/Warded to Terry]

To be honest, I think most of us lucked out with this date thing. Sure, it's monumentally stupid, but more because it's not actually going to affect anything outside of that one night, you know? I mean, no offense to Terry or anything, but I doubt this dance is going to result in any marriage proposals or vows of everlasting love.

(though if it does, that'd be pretty impressive)

[Warded Private]

- Merlin's tits.

- Dance. Why?

- WHY AM I FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS? I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN OVER THIS THREE YEARS AGO.

- Dance. Why?

- Merlin's tits.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to G7G]

I think we should totally go to this dance as a group!

[/Warded to G7G]

This year is just plain surreal. Unforgiveable curses, rewriting history, and now a Valentine's Dance. We really are down the Rabbit Hole.

[Warded Private]

- Merlin, it feels good to not be writing about classes or morality for once. Thank you, awkward dates and Hogsmeade, for giving me this break from deep, dark thoughts.

- Awkward Date with Terry. Well. It wasn't so horrible, I suppose. We started out pretty awkwardly, but we were getting along well by the end. And then I was stupid and kissed his cheek for giving me an every flavor bean. Merlin's tits, I don't know what I was thinking. Or no, I do. I wasn't thinking. I need to not do that.

I don't really know. I wouldn't mind going on another date with Terry, but...shouldn't there be more of a spark if things are going to end up romantically? I don't know. I've never done anything like this before, so I don't know if sparks are necessary for romance or if they're just the stuff of movies. And-- I don't know. Am I too young? I'll be 18 in eight days. That's not too young, is it?

It's been a pleasant enough distraction from the way the year has gone so far, but I don't know if it's going anywhere, and if it's not, is it fair to Terry to keep asking about it?

- Moreover, why does there have to be a somebody? Why does there have to be a list? I don't like the pressure. But I suppose I sort of put it on myself, didn't I, by going along with the whole thing? And it's not that I don't like Terry, because I do. He seems like he'll be a good friend. But more than that? I don't know. I don't feel any... spark. I keep coming back to that.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, though. And Lavender was really hopeful. Oy.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Terry]

I just wanted to let you know that despite any awkwardness that might have happened, I did have a good time on Saturday.

[/Warded to Terry]

It's a shame we don't have Hogsmeade visits every weekend. I feel all energized about the coming week, and the thanks for that definitely goes to visiting Hogsmeade.

[Warded Private]

I--

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Lavender]

I'm sorry I couldn't learn it fast enough to keep you from being shrunk.

[/Warded to Lavender]

[Warded to Terry]

I saw that your sister was in a jar, too. If you want to spend time with her tomorrow instead, that's okay.

[/Warded to Terry]

I can safely say that I never wondered what it was like to be Thumbelina until today. This is not knowledge I really needed.

[Warded to Lavender]

He hasn't responded yet. But it's been very busy and not very Hogsmeade Weekend-y in the last 24 hours. What do I do?

EDIT: Oh never mind, he just wrote back.

EDIT: Okay.

[Warded to Terry Boot]

So Lavender sugge

Lavender and Michael were talking, and they th

I was wonder if y

Hello.

[Warded Private]

When you compromise moral after moral, what's left of you at the end of the day? Can you really look at yourself and say, "this is me" anymore? Or are you just a shadow of the person you once were? Is it wrong to fight against these compromises, even to the point of almost certain pain or death, or is the preservation of the core self worth pain, humiliation, and even death? What's more, does the preservation of the self supersede the preservation of others' lives? Where is the line?

Ugh.

- Practiced Imperius curse last week. Not sure if it's better or worse than that simple fact that I think I actually managed to get it, sort of. I don't know that I want to continue getting it, and what's more, I don't think my wand liked it very much. It was being temperamental all the rest of the day, and I eventually just started casting cheering charms left and right until it changed its mind and decided to start liking me again. This does not bode well for other Dark Arts classes, and I might just not try next time.

Merlin, I am a failure in general, aren't I?

- Spin the Bottle resulted in kissing Michael. That has to be the most awkward thing I've ever done. I mean, not that he wasn't a good kisser (because he was), but I don't know. It was strange and awkward and we shook hands afterwards. I suppose, had things been different (e.g., if I wasn't certain that Lavender was watching us to check for signs of interest or if he didn't have a girlfriend or if the idea of me liking him didn't already exist in some people's minds), it would have been a very nice kiss. But with all of those other factors coming into play, it was just strange.

Any other year, this would be keeping me up nights, but this year, I'm staying up trying to figure out how I'm going to avoid whatever horrible punishments the Carrows are cooking up for people. This isn't how this year should have gone.

- Ask how Lavender liked her gift.

- Figure out how to cheer up my wand.

- Discuss other defensive magic with Michael.

- Ponder Hogsmeade.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Lavender]

Soooooo was it a good birthday, then?

[/Warded to Lavender]

[Warded to Michael]

What other sorts of defensive magic are there to try learning?

[/Warded to Michael]

So what are everyone's plans for the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend? I'm trying to decide what I should do, since I don't know how long "run around laughing joyfully because I'm out of Hogwarts" will last.

[Warded Private]

When you've been inspired to an ideal by someone, which is worse: to allow that person to be punished for you sticking to that ideal or to give up that ideal and almost spit on the face of their memory? On the one hand, to cause an innocent person to suffer for your ideals is entirely unfair. Suffering for your own ideals, though arguably selfish and inconsiderate of those who care for you and don't wish to see you hurt, at least only actually causes you harm; in good conscience, one cannot ask others to suffer in their place. On the other hand, you've already given up most of your Da's ideals and this is no different

On the other hand it's just frogs

On the other hand, this year is stupid and I want a do-over.

- figure out what I'm going to do in Dark Arts on Friday. I don't think either Lavender or Megan know either, even if Lav did start learning it yesterday or pretending to or something. I shouldn't be so torn up about it, either. Everyone else is learning it with no trouble, and if they aren't, they're pretending to learn.

Merlin's tits.

- find ways to distract self from the above. Ideas: dancing in the Common Room to no music; finishing book report; solving the "whose book is this?" mystery; making plans for Hogsmeade.

- re: Hogsmeade -- give further consideration to the idea of going with Terry, for Lavender and Michael's sakes. If nothing else, it'll make them both happy, and maybe we can talk about Lewis Carroll the whole time or something. It'd be nice to

- make sure to tell Ma when she comes to Hogsmeade that sending me mail is a Bad Idea. Capital letters means it's important. Not that she'd send me anything super secret or anything like that, but I don't like getting my mail read or having grubby Carrow paws all over it.

- practice shielding charms. Granted, no idea if they're working properly without someone attacking me, but I can at least get the wand motion down properly and be able to impress Michael with that on Tuesday.

- DO NOT start another letter to Da. Also remember that the m-word is just a word and they're using it to upset you.

[/Warded Private]

So if we're really through the looking glass, I'm kind of wondering where (or who) are the Mad Hatter and March Hare? They seem like they'd fit in well here lately. The Cheshire Cat would be an interesting addition as well, though I'm not sure how I'd feel about anyone else.

[Warded Private]

Is a victory really a victory if it couldn't be achieved without foul play? What pride can you take when you know that you were only victorious because someone cheated? And not even cheated cleverly, cheated poorly and mercilessly. When you cannot even say that you outsmarted your opponent but instead bullied him or her into acquiescing, that is not a victory. It is, as everything else this year has been, a display of cowardice, of the fear that you don't measure up.

And the simple fact is that if you have to cheat in order to win, if you have to humiliate and bully to make yourself feel better, you do not measure up. You're pathetic and you know it.

Resisting urge to sing "if you're pathetic and you know it, wheezy laugh!"

- Ask Lavender and Parvati if they've noticed any crush-like behavior towards Terry Boot. Don't want people to get the wrong idea. He's nice enough, I suppose, but I don't know him from a hole in the wall.
- Not true, I know him slightly better than a hole in the wall. Just not well, as in I don't know if we could carry on talking for a long time. Which is important.
- But he is nice enough, and cute, I suppose.
- Moving on: I forget what I was going to write here, but it must've been semi-important.
- Make sure it won't offend Quidditch-playing friends if I skip the rest of the year's matches to [...] I don't know. Do ANYTHING else.
- Finish reading Northern Lights and write about it. Satire = good.
- Find way to make sure Michael is alright without being creepy.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to G7G]

Alright, don't take this as anything other than the question it is, but have you three noticed me being crush-y towards Terry Boot lately? Because I haven't meant to be, and I don't want him to get the wrong idea.

[/Warded to G7G]

[Warded to Michael Corner]

Don't take this the wrong way, but how's your groinal area?

[/Warded to Michael Corner]

I don't know about anyone else, but that kind of killed my interest in Quidditch for the rest of the year.

[Warded Private]

- Still can't think in essay format. Am possibly losing touch. Don't want to lose touch, have lost a lot about myself this year.

- DO NOT want to think about yesterday. Have talked about yesterday non-stop SINCE yesterday, subject may be tired out. Am still thinking about it despite not wanting to think about it. I refused to cast the Imperius curse. I could've gotten by with just pretending to try, maybe scrunching up my face really tight and pointing my wand at Kevin, but I didn't. I refused. Even when he-Carrow was throwing me about like a balloon, I refused.

It felt good to refuse. The being thrown around did not feel good at all, but the refusal did.

Lots of people refused. Was kind of surprising, though, who did and didn't. Michael refused and got thrown up on the ceiling, and I didn't expect that at all. I expected him to just pretend to do it--self-preservation and everything. Merlin's knuts, I hope I didn't inspire him to do that. I really don't wa It would suck if he wa It was good seeing him take a stand, but I understand now what he meant by those sorts of rebellions being selfish. I didn't want to see him hurt.

Neville did not end up on the ceiling and didn't seem to attract he-Carrow's attention for once, which leads me to believe that he didn't refuse. This is mildly uncharacteristic of him this year. Bet it had to do with him being paired with Malfoy, and I'll bet that Malfoy did something horrible to him to keep him from refusing. That would be characteristic.

- Northern Lights is still a hero. Still need to find out who it belongs to. Am very bad detective in that way.

- Stomach still hurts from yesterday.

- Related: what the hell does he-Carrow eat for breakfast? Hippogryff dung? Ugh, his breath is revolting.

[/Warded Private]

I don't know about anyone else, but I am beyond ready for Easter, liturgically and academically speaking. How many days to go again?

[Warded Private]

- Much too excited about having a NEW BOOK to think about essay-writing at the moment! It's a good day, even if I did get shocked and she-Carrow is a blithering idiot. Philip Pullman, you are my hero on so many levels, and if I ever meet you, sir, I will shake your hand.

- Terry Boot. Lavender is very enthusiastic about helping with this situation and actually talked to Michael about it. Not sure how I feel about that. Still half convinced that this is going to come back and bite me in the arse.

- Need to figure out something nice to say to Theodore Nott, probably something from Jane Eyre. Problem: there is not a lot of niceness in Jane Eyre. Consider Austen as an alternative. Figure out who got their hands on Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice.

- I have a NEW BOOK!

- I should find a way to keep this new book.

- But it's not actually mine, so perhaps I should find a way to get it back to whomever it actually belongs to. That would probably be a better idea. Someone probably wishes they had it back.

- I wonder if I could get Sense and Sensibility back?

- Unrelated, am starting shielding lessons with Michael tomorrow. I think it will be a good lesson. He seems like he'll be a decent teacher at the least, despite his dislike for coursework and all of those things I used to think were Ravenclaw traits.

- Unrelated to the unrelated, should look into getting snogged at some point, if it's all it's cracked up to be.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Lavender]

Did you really talk to Michael about the Terry thing?

[/Warded to Lavender]

[Warded to Michael]

We're still on for tomorrow afternoon, yeah?

[/Warded to Michael]

Just out of curiosity, did anyone pick up Sense and Sensibility today? If not, someone definitely should tomorrow. It's a great book.

[Warded Private]

Hope cannot be quenched or destroyed. It is an eternal flame that will burn, even when the powers of darkness seek to snuff it out.

If we consider darkness as the absence of light, then we can understand why darkness--why dark things--hates light so much. When light arrives, darkness disappears. For this reason, darkness will always fear light. Darkness will always hate light. Darkness will always seek to snuff out light where it burns. But as darkness is the absence of light, it cannot snuff out light anymore than an absence of rain can stop rain from happening. Light will come, light will remain, light will prevail, and darkness must always succumb to it.

You may seek to silence hope, but hope will be heard.

You may seek to petrify hope, but hope will run free.

You may seek to humiliate hope, but hope will prevail.

And in seeking to do these things--to silence, to petrify, to humiliate--you only show that you are losing, that you are failing, and that you are afraid.




That felt good to write. Maybe I'll actually work up the nerve to share it with someone. Lavender or Michael, perhaps. Maybe.

- find notes from Fourth Year about throwing off Imperius curse. Try to remember what it feels like.
- avoid cream buns.
- write apology note to Harry about being forced to sing about his death.
- look into remedies for after-effects of shocking jinxes. Chocolate? Potions?
- consult roommates, re: Terry Boot's eligibility.
- find some way to mentally prepare for the coming week. No idea how, though.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to G7G]

Now, I'm not insinuating in any way that I am interested myself, but what do you girls think of Terry Boot? Apparently, Michael keeps trying to find Terry a girlfriend, and the results have been universally disastrous, so I thought it might behoove us to help him out. Thoughts?

[/Warded to G7G]

[Warded to Michael Corner]

Would shielding charms have helped last night?

[/Warded to Michael Corner]

Staying in today seems to be a common theme. Is anyone planning on leaving their dorms at all?

[Warded Private]

I can't even think in essay format right now, and this does not bode well for the collection. Notes this time.

- Luna Lovegood. Kind of surprising how many people are convinced that she actually is dead and that Davis and the Carrows aren't making up this load of bollocks because she's Neville's friend and friends with Harry and what-have-you. I think I'd be more inclined to believe Davis if it was someone random that nobody knew, like poor Martin. But Luna's kind of a known figure, and it follows a pattern of publicizing news that would upset people. Plus it's just too convenient.

- Hand things. Do research into meanings of tattoos, possible sayings, and meanings for scarification. Following this, survive the rest of the year and get a tattoo. Possibly drag people with me, assuming we all survive the year.

- Invent mysteries to torture Michael now that he's got me craving Coke.

- Speaking of mysteries: figure out who I'm supposed to tell Lavender I'm interested in. Currently have no ideas, will have to make someone up. Micha Someone who isn't taken. Someone neutralish. Bloody hell, this is going to be difficult.

- Speaking of Michael: shield charms.

Is it anti-pacifistic to defend oneself if the defense doesn't actually hurt someone? I've thought about it before, but I always assumed it wouldn't be a problem. But Michael had a point. These aren't exactly the most peaceful times, and this isn't a Muggle world. People can kill you with a few words, and then what? Then nothing. Then I'm dead and I've stood up for my principles, but I'm still dead.

I don't know. I wish Dad was around to answer these questions. He'd know better than I.

Now's not the time to think of that, though. I need to figure out who I'm going to tell Lavender I fancy. And I still have no idea. Maybe I'll just wait until the last second and say whatever name comes to mind. Yes, that's a good plan.

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Michael Corner]

So supposing that I agree with you on the shield charm thing (which I'm not saying I do because I'm not entirely sure yet). Would you be willing to help me practice?

[/Warded to Michael Corner]

[Warded Private]

So that was an effort in futility, wasn't it, Jules? You were too cowardly to admit that you hexed a bloody dresser instead of doing your assignment, and now you've got detention anyway because you couldn't deliver a command performance. Brava, truly you are the most lion-hearted girl to ever walk these halls. Neville went and spoke out against the entire assignment in a valiant way, Lavender and Megan and everyone else who's not too afraid to still have principles, they were all honest.

But not you, oh no. Not only are you a principle-less coward, but you are a liar as well. Your father will be so very proud when he finds out.

If he finds out

NO. I need to not think this way. I need to focus on less negative things, like finding a fryer or perhaps the idea that escaping would be possible. Yes.

- research cost of fryers. Do fryers count as Muggle artifacts? Find out.
- speak with Lavender (maybe?) or Parvati about the processes involved in creating bright-colored bandit clothes.
- find and read "The Velveteen Rabbit."
- find way to make hand stop itching.
- continue reading Jane Eyre.

[/Warded Private]

You know, in some third world cultures and even in some first world subcultures, scarification is considered a badge of pride. I think I'd like these a little more if I could read what they said anymore.

[Warded Private]

Universally acknowledged is the fact that the insecure, when given positions of unlimited power, will attempt to boost their own security by way of attacking those they find threatening for whatever reason. They will always, of course, deny that they find a threat in their victim--to do so would be to admit their own insecurity, and that is perceived as weak--but make no mistake: this is not a display of strength on their parts, but rather a display of weakness and fear. The strong among us do not seek to tear others down, but instead to build others up because they are secure in themselves and know that having those around them be the best they can be will only make them better.

...I really hate that last sentence. Note to self: rewrite.

And in these troubled times, small acts of kindness shine that much brighter

Oh bollocks to that, I don't even know if it was intentional on his part. Theodore Nott might not even recognize Muggle literature when he sees it, so it could be that he just didn't realize that it was Muggle literature. But then I argued so he must have known. So was it a mistake that I still have Jane Eyre or did he actually mean to save the book? And if it's the latter, how do I react? Obviously, I'm not to call attention to it, but such a good turn seems like it deserves at least my attention or acknowledgement or something. But if I did acknowledge it, he would likely dismiss my acknowledgement and say that he did no such thing.

Oy, this is a quandary.

- thank Theodore Nott for being professional about searching my trunk, at least
- bring only cute knickers back after Easter
- re-read Jane Eyre
- refine note claiming me as cursing someone at Lilith's family's house
- remember to apologize for dresser during Easter break

[/Warded Private]

[Warded to Theodore Nott]

Hello.

I just wanted to thank you for how professional you were in searching my trunk. It was honestly a breath of fresh air. So. Thank you.

[/Theodore Nott]

I always forget how much I appreciate my schedule when I'm on a break. Having a nice, long stretch of free time on Tuesdays is probably the best thing ever, and I enjoy it thoroughly.

[Warded Private]

As we begin the new year, especially at Hogwarts, we need to remember who we are at our core. That is something that will never change, no matter the circumstances that surround us. We may make mistakes. We may make poor choices. But we are still ourselves at heart. If we

What's the use, really? If I can't actually put my words into practice, what's the point in even writing them anymore? I hate that I haven't been able to write anything but tripe for Muggle Studies in months. It's like my opinions are just... gone. Erased. And I'm not sure if I'm the one who erased them or if it was the Carrows.

Ugh.

- finish packing. Does Jane Eyre count as Muggle material? Do I care?
- figure out how much alcohol it would take to lose track of everything
- polish nails tonight; try to keep them from looking too bitten
- come up with some resolution that I can keep
- stop writing letters to Dad. It's not like he can read them.

[/Warded Private]

I don't think I've ever wanted to go back to school less than I do right now. Must be something about it being my last term ever.